SQN - Sine Qua Non - Issue 1 - Journal - Page 95
SINE QUA NON
disposal.
After a few years’ slow decline, and then a few months’ steeper decline, and then a few
weeks of my being hardly able to move, one morning, Jimmy picked me up, placed me in his
bed, and kept me company for the entire day. He doted on me, morning, noon, and evening,
and brought me water and food, but of course I wasn’t hungry. He even wheeled the television
into his bedroom and tried to get me to watch with him, but there was really nothing on of
interest. Still, it was nice that Jimmy was there with me. Real nice. It was as if he knew.
That night, he got into bed next to me, his front side flush against my backside, and
curled his body around mine in the most excruciatingly delightful embrace I have ever
known, his chin nesting the top of my head, his knees pressed gently just below my tush. For
the first time he was not under the covers, but with me. As one. As you can imagine, I did not
want to fall asleep, not for a second, it felt so wonderful to be with him like that. Wonderful
just—to be.
When Jimmy woke up the next morning, he was alone. I was gone.
Oh, my body was there, but I was up here, looking down. Well, on my way here. You
get the idea.
“Ah, Buddy.” He wept. And kissed the top of my lifeless head. I wanted to kiss him back
but of course I couldn’t. “I love you, Buddy,” I heard him say.
Finally, I knew.
Anyway, I’m still with him, in a way, out in his back yard, behind the wood pile,
underground, with a little stone marking the spot, on which he’s carved the letters B U D D Y.
Besides learning all these language skills since I got here, I have also learned that my
story is not so unique. I mean, my rate of aging, as compared to that of others. Seven to one,
they call it a ratio. In other words, one year for some, like me, is equivalent to seven years for
others, like Jimmy. That’s why I was never good at time, I guess. But now it doesn’t make any
difference. Because even if I had known that fact before, while I was down there, about our
different rates of aging, I don’t think I would have done anything different. I loved, and dared,
and was loved in return, and I’d do it again.
Now, just the fact that you have stayed with my story all the way to here tells me you
are one terrific person. So do you mind if I say this? OK, here goes: If you love someone, but
haven’t the slightest idea of what to do about it, please, at least do something about it! Heaven
on Earth might be just around the corner. And what do you have to lose? Answer: nothing.
Because, take it from me, Hell on Earth’s not nearly as horrible as you might think.
And, say, Friend, if you run into Jimmy, could you tell him that, too? I want you both to
find someone. And love them. And do something about it. For me. For him.
For You.
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