SQN - Sine Qua Non - Issue Two - Journal - Page 113
Law and Order said that pain in the left arm can mean a heart attack. She kept touching it. I
should have known.
The wood chair beneath me feels as though it is swinging as I watch my grandfather go up to
the podium to speak. I can hardly hear his words as I think back to the last day I spent with
Mammaw.
Whooshh.
I see my grandmother rubbing her arm, a small grimace on her face.
Whooshhh.
I see my last hug before she stepped outside of my parent’s house and into the bright sun,
leaving me for the second to last time.
Whooshhh.
I imagine my grandfather—a lifelong Boy Scout—whispering “Bren…. Bren please” as he
performed two rescue breaths.
Whooshhh.
I imagine the grass reaching up with wide open green mouths like snarling hellhounds, trying
to capture my sneaker-less and sockless toes.
Whooshhh.
A single tear rolls down my cheek.
My heart hits the ground.
The pendulum stops.
My grandmother is still in her mausoleum.
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