SQN - Sine Qua Non - Issue Two - Journal - Page 75
Eliongema Udofia
Paternoster
Luke 11:12— What father among you, if his son
asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?
Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?
& what further distance than this could a boy—terrified,
flee from the masculine hand holding out an offering of brutal
memories to him—this arm carved like that of his father?
Once, we cowered in the shadow of His terrific presence:
Child & mother—human punching bags. Skins branded with
bruises bearing His fingerprints. Mother, clinging firmly
to the frayed hem of their threadbare union.
Every scar on this body I have concealed beneath floral tattoos.
A failed attempt at masking my paternity—this nightmare
leeched to the worn-out silhouette of my childhood.
I consult Google Maps to measure the potency of my escape:
10, 671.04km away from home, & its tainted memories.
Still, this question bothers me like the tantrum of a persistent
vision: what distance is required for allopatric speciation?
I have been so brave at battling my fear, these years bear me
witness, how I have spent the entirety of my monochromatic
life, convincing this self not to metamorphose into Him.
Won't you celebrate with me, mother, what feats I have
accomplished? How great a distance this apple has rolled from
the foot of the tree? How despite what facial similarities the
mirror divulges, I have turned out nothing like Him?
Every anger raging within me I have channeled into walls
& shattered furniture. & the girl I love, I love wholeheartedly.
Even though at times this body falters, like that one time,
Vexed, I yelled at her, & His voice thundered out my throat.
I rummage restlessly through the net. Still, I find no name
for the fear of becoming like one's father. The search results
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